A daddy's letter to his daughter by Dr Kelly Flanagan

Daddy's love...

Hi Dolls

Today while going through Facebook, I came across this article on All for Women and it had me in tears! It also got me thinking about how we has women degrade ourselves thinking we always need to please a man! How we need to serve him and keep his interest... When what we really need to do is just know that we are interesting!
Read this beautiful letter below:


"Dear Cutie-Pie,

Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was "How to keep him interested."

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.

Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to "keep him interested."
Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul - in that unshakeable place that isn't rattled by rejection and loss and ego - that you are worthy of interest.

(If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.

Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn't need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting:

• I don't care if he puts his elbows on. the dinner table - as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can't stop looking.

• I don't care if he can't play a bit of golf with me - as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

• I don't care if he doesn't follow his wallet - as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.

I don't care if he is strong - as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.

• I couldn't care less how he votes - as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honour in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

• I don't care about the colour of his skin - as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.

• I don't care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion - as long as he was raised to value the sacred, and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:

You.

Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to "keep him interested" is to be you.

Your eternally interested guy,

Daddy."

We need to change our perspective ladies! If the men in our lives can't live with it then they need to live without it! We are worth more!

Enjoy your weekend!

Love Shalane
xoxo

Katy Perry ~ Dark Horse

Katy Perry - Prism

I knew you were
You were gonna come to me
And here you are
But you better choose carefully
'Cause I'm capable of anything
Of anything and everything

Make me your Aphrodite
Make me your one and only
Don't make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy

So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what'cha falling for
Baby do you dare to do this
Cause I'm coming at'cha like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you're mine, once you're mine
There's no going back

Mark my words
This love will make you levitate
Like a bird
Like a bird without a cage
But down to earth
If you choose to walk away, don't walk away

It's in the palm of your hand now baby
It's a yes or no, no maybe
So just be sure before you give it up to me
Up to me, give it up to me

So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what'cha falling for
Baby do you dare to do this
Cause I'm coming at'cha like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you're mine, once you're mine
There's no going back

She's a beast
I call her Karma
She eat your heart out
Like Jeffrey Dahmer, be careful
Try not to lead her on
Shawty's heart was on steroids
Cause her love was so strong
You may fall in love
When you meet her
If you get the chance you better keep her
She swears by it but if you break her heart
She turn cold as a freezer
That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor
She can be my Sleeping Beauty
I'm gon' put her in a coma, woo!
Damn I think I love her
Shawty so bad
I'm sprung and I don't care
She got me like a roller coaster
Turn the bedroom into a fair
Her love is like a drug
I was tryna hit it and quit it
But lil' mama so dope
I messed around and got addicted

So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what'cha falling for
Baby do you dare to do this
Cause I'm coming at'cha like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you're mine, once you're mine
There's no going back


Love Shalane
xoxo

Personal Post

My angel - Robert

So true

Need to do this more!

Hey Dolls
As I sit here writing the post I know it's going to be very personal. I have been going through a lot of emotions lately. Some days I'm up and others I'm crashing to the ground at 150km per second. In the past 5 years my life has changed so much, I've changed so much and it feels like it is all catching up with me in this present moment.

What I'm going to post right now, is not something I have every openly spoken about. I know there are a lot of women in my same position, but somehow I feel like I am alone. As you guys have probably seen in many of my personal post, I have a son. His name is Robert and he is the light and love of my life. He is 3 and a half years old. And I am a single mom. Not by choice but by circumstance.

I was in a relationship with a guy that I thought loved me. We were together for 4 years. I moved down to the Eastern Cape to be with him and left my whole life behind. I never planned to get pregnant. Not that I didn't want children but because I felt like we weren't in the perfect place in our relationship. Sitting here now, thinking back, I should have seen the signs. He was a mommy's boy and could do nothing for himself. Mommy washed his clothes, made him food. But being so young and naïve and in love, maybe I just didn't want to see the signs.

I fell pregnant when I least expected it. Our relationship was at its lowest. We were only seeing each other every 2 weeks. I was still on my birth control, so till this day I still don't really understand how I got pregnant. I found out on the Monday morning that I was pregnant, when my period still hadn't come. I took the whole week to tell him and when I eventually got up the courage (I was really scared to tell him. We weren't communicating like a couple does) his reaction took me totally by surprise. He didn't even need time to think about it, he just looked me straight in the eye and told me he wasn't ready for a baby and that if I wanted him in my life, I needed to have an abortion. My heart shattered into a million piece. I know I wasn't ready for a baby, but to have an abortion was the last thing on my mind. He left, and didn't say anything else to me.

My dad was living about 180kms away from me and I called him immediately. My dad is my rock through everything that has ever happened in my life. He told me he would be there to fetch me as soon as he finished work. I had never cried so much in my life. I was all alone in a small town and I was so vulnerable. As soon as my dad arrived at 12 o'clock that night, I had vowed that I would never shed another tear again until after my baby was born. To cut a long story short, I found out 3 months into my pregnancy that he had met another girl and that they were really serious. Again it felt like my heart, that I had just managed to kinda piece together, was being shattered again. But I still didn't cry. I didn't want my unborn baby to feel my pain.

I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy in Jeffery's bay on the 3 of May 2013. I was 23. As I lay in the hospital bed, with my little boy nursing on my chest, I shed my first tears. 9 months of emotions built up inside of me, tears running down my face. My mom had come down from Johannesburg for the birth of the baby, and when she came in for visitation, I was shaking so badly that she took my little angel and placed him in his crib. She then gave me the biggest hug I have ever had. She told me that I had to be strong for my baby. After a good cuddle, I once again put my emotions away.

I had my son on the Monday and was out of the hospital on the Wednesday (I had an elective c section as I lived 180kms from the nearest hospital and my placenta was laying low), on the Friday afternoon while I was relaxing at the lodge my mom was staying for the week, I was posting of Facebook about my little angel. I happened to land on his new girlfriend's page. (Ok maybe it wasn't by accident) What I saw on the page, broke not only my heart but my soul too. His new girlfriend was pregnant and they were planning on getting married.

That had to be the lowest time in my life. The lodge,where my mom was staying, was on the beach, when I found out about the news, I asked my mom to look after my son for a little while. I needed to clear my head. I walked out on to the beach and screamed at the top of my lunges (luckily there was no one on the beach). Sinking slowly on the ground (my wound was still really sore) I cried my heart out. I think I must have stayed there for a long time. My step dad, came and gave me a big hug. He is the type not to say anything. I went back to my son and to this day I have never cried about it again. I get sad sometimes but for the sake of my son I don't cry.

To this day, I have not heard anything from my son's father. He hasn't contributed anything to his son. Not a cent. I did go to the courts to apply for maintenance but they said that he would then have the right to see my son every school holiday or whatever was arranged between us. And he didn't want my son, so why would I send my child there to a person who didn't want them. His little girl is now 2 and he seems to love her so much…

My son is at that age where he is asking "where is my daddy"? At the school they are learning about parents and so forth and I am honest, I don't know what to tell him. My mom often cries with me when I tell her about it, and we both just can't believe that a man would give up his own flesh and blood like that. The people in the little town have speculated that it is not my ex's son but if you see my son and his father together, there is no denying it is his son. I'm not the type of girl to jump from one guy to the next, and because of that I haven't been with anyone since I got pregnant. If I'm honest with myself I will admit that I don't trust any man. I'm scared of letting myself get to close to anyone, scared of getting hurt again. I also don't want my son to get attached to anyone who doesn't plan on loving him forever.

All these emotions have been wreaking havoc on my soul. I seem to be thinking about it so much lately. I have even started crying myself to sleep. It's hard for me, waking up every day, looking at my son, seeing his father in him. Some of his mannerisms are exactly like his fathers. I don't really have anyone to talk to, as my parents are partial to taking my side, or in my father's case he just doesn't want to talk about it.

I wish every day I had someone to talk to, someone who understands where I'm coming from… So it feels good letting this out, telling people what is really in my soul.

Have a good night ladies.

Love Shalane
xoxo